|Page Two||And now Atilla Sackville-West, who has been covering the campaign from the beginning is on the scene to tell us what is happening.
"The four Mancunian candidates arrived not on their electric campaign bus as expected. Instead they each rode in, like the four horsemen: Fidel on Rocinante, Liam on Incitatus, Davy on Bucephalus and Teddy on the Bull Moose. They have finally announced their four running mates:
"The debates are taking place in that place of legend, Montezuma's Halls of Medicine. Today it looks stranger than anything Avida Dollars could have come up with. It's as if What's My Line were transplanted to Mad Max: Thunderdome. This enormous set was brought from Japan by Mr. Ernie Kovacs, on the comeback trail here in his own country as a result of the hit show, The 1776 House". He appears to have faked his own death in 1961 to escape persecution as a result of being the only American to be staunchly pro-Cuba. He also experienced a slip in the ratings after moving to New York from Philadelphia. In the early '60's Japan was the only country willing to take him as head of programming. It was there that he reprised his wacked-out cooking show idea "Deadline to Dinner" (a hit in Philadelphia and a bomb in New York), and turned it into "Iron Chef". For the sake of nostalgia, The Nairobi Trio was asked to be the House band for the convention….for they are the true International Gorillas.
"Something is happening! We have a noise to go with all these highly futuristic gadgets we have around here It appears to be an announcement of sorts!"
"Attention Corner Shoppers in Seig Heil 3! Wilde Special K values at Salvador Deli! TastyKake™ Sale - Sans Kula!"
|Liam: This place is gettin' to me. I'm gettin' the fear! I had a dream! It was those battling Teds again."
Noel: Oh not again. 'I have a dream!' You stupid Aardvark. There are no Teddy Boys in America
Liam: Yes there are! Ted Kennedy and Ted Roosevelt! I'm gettin on the first Jumbo Jet and getting' outta here. I saw it. It was real! The Teds were fighting a bunch of Indians in Paris. There was a guy named James Earl Rey! He shot the King and he tried to shoot Ted Kennedy! That's why I am moving my campaign headquarters to Mexico! I've had enough of this shite! I don't like Teds. I'm a Mod.
Freud: I think this dream represents Liam's repressed feelings toward his brother.
Noel: I've been having disagreements lately with my brother the Monkey.
Pancho Villa: What will you do in Mexico? Make sombreros?
Liam: Make what?
Noel: Make those hats. D'ye know what I mean?
Liam: Yes, I am going to Mexico to make party hats for the Mancunian Primary in New Hampshire! Give Me Liberty or give me Depends! I don't know what it means, but it sounds good when I say it.
Noel: I don't really know why anyone listens to my brother. Judge him not by his words, for he knows not what he says.
Oscar Wilde: Beware the Ides of March! Does the name Trotsky mean anything to you? Your assassin will be both an Earl and a King!
Liam: Oh shut up you Irish dandy! He's always on about that Indian curse. Reagan got shot but he ain't dead yet.
Wilde: I could deny myself the pleasure of talking and claim it as a virtue. But it would be selfish to deny others the pleasure of listening.
Noel: If this situation weren't so disgraceful it would actually be funny. Go on then! Tell us about the dream since no one else has heard it.
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