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The biggest barometer of public opinion by far is the fact that the biggest hit show of the summer season is: Planet Bollywood: The 1776 House . The producers of this show took the hit British show, "The 1900 House" to new lows. When viewing that show, test audiences in America repeatedly asked "What do these people win?" When they were told "nothing", it became the lowest-testing show in television history. The producers basically remade the show…with a prize at the end. In "The 1776 House" 10 contestants from Estonia, Bombay, Hoboken and Hollywood will live in Independence Hall in Philadelphia. The camera will wait until they stop being polite and start being real. The contestants will spend 10 weeks in Independence Hall in June, July and August with no air conditioning and no loo (and no Depends!). Each week there will be a special session of the Continental Congress to vote someone out of the house. The lone survivor will then be allowed the choice as to whether to marry a Polish Millionaire. (Disclaimer: Net worth - 100 Zlotys) or to star in a Musical production of 1776 (Disclaimer: It is being staged in Bombay during Monsoon Season with a budget of only one million Rupees. And when you become a Star in Bombay, be prepared to be Kidnapped for a ransom of 100 Rupees).Unfortunately this week's show has been cancelled so we can bring you the Great Debates in its entirety. These debates have been the cause of the biggest rash of show cancellations since Watergate. This is worse than Watergate in that, in the spirit of public-mindedness, it is not just the networks that have decided to screw the ratings and bore you to death, it is all 200 Channels! There is no choice! But then again, where there is choice there is misery! (If you are reading this in a Communist Country with only one Channel, then you know what we mean!)

Just look at the list of dull speakers and panelists: Citoyen Kane -Yellow Journalist in Bumblebee uniform. "I'm Fortuna!" Sister Carrie Nation - Leader of the Bull Dyke party Bruce Labruce - Reluctant Pornographer J.P. Morgan - Financier and Frequent Guest on Hollywood Squares John Galt - International Guerrilla Freda Kahlo - Official Propagandist of the Mexican Communist Party. Originator of the Monobrow. Lorenzo St. Dubois - Love Power Activist. "I love my little Joe." Little Joe - "From Now on You'll Read Little Women and Winnie the Pooh!" Pancho Villa - Mexico's foremost baseball authority Oscar Wilde - The World's First Rock Star. Ringo Mountbatten - Ambassador to Washington from the Court of St. James Infirmary Crazy Horse and Sitting Bull (via satellite) - Another face of the Bull Moose Mohammed Ali - A new Boxer rebellion. Sigmund Freud - What I see is behond your dreaming! Avida Dollars - Down with The Sacajewea! Following is the entire transcript of this momentous yet rebellious event. But first, a list - and word - of our sponsors: KY Jelly-Bean - The underdog contender for The Kentucky Derby since 1999. Fortuna - "F" the Miami Dolphins: We are Fortuna. Official Cigarette of the Lincoln Brigades! Squirrel in a can - the only white trash meat! Tyson, the other dark meat - Now that Cassius Clay is a Muslim. Crème Dementos - The freshmaker...because everyone needs another dementia. Frida-lay Bandido, jalapeno flavor - The real Mexican Revenge! Colonel Kaddafi's falafels - Bombs Away on the Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame! Viagra falls - It just keeps coming and coming. Dan Quayludes - Say what dude..? Tubby custard - The official dessert of Mt. Rushmore. Dole Bananas - The original sponsors of the Philadelphia Republican Convention. Boner Petite - The children's Viagra! And it tastes GREAT! Fat-free English lard - Sponsor of the PBS acclaimed series "1900 House" Eddie Trojan condoms - The only true rubber soldier. Interplanetary Kraft Cheese - The first spray-cheese in space; now available in Uruguay. next page >>